Stop making every female character a mother
Any other childfree women and writers who are tired of watching their favourite fictional childfree characters meet the seemingly inevitable fate of pregnancy? Because I am.
I began watching “Murdoch Mysteries” last year, intrigued by Julia Ogden’s character, who couldn’t have children and said a few times she didn’t want to. I am only in season four, so imagine my surprise and exasperation when I was scrolling through Facebook to see this:
Well, I nearly flipped a table.
Every time. Every time I think I am free of the baby fever and obsession that plaques other shows and books, every time I think I have finally found a character I can relate to, this happens. Someone, someway, the woman just has to have a baby as if her life depends on it. What happened to this character not physically able to have children? Why is so bad to keep a fictional woman childfree? I nearly turned off “Sex and the City” when Miranda Hobbs also changed her mind about having a baby and did it. I think Samantha Jones remains one of the few fictional characters to ever stick to her childfree status. An icon, really, for us women who embrace remaining single and reject motherhood.
In a world that cries for diversity in terms of race, gender-inclusion, and sexuality, why are childfree women still vastly underrepresented? Statistics in 2018 showed that one in five Canadian women wouldn’t embrace motherhood. Canada’s fertility rate was 1.5 in 2021. It declined to 1.492 in 2022; a small decrease, yet these rates have been on the decline since 1950, where the rate was 3.5. These rates have been nearly cut in half. (Stats Canada)
As societal changes, women’s rights, birth control, and major culture shifts happen, art should adapt accordingly. But it doesn’t always.
I’m always excited when I begin a new show or book and the female main character is childfree. But, all good things must end, apparently, because it usually ends with the beloved heroine in a relationship and pregnant, tossing her previous rejection of motherhood to the wind. It’s no wonder so many of us childfree women get told repeatedly: “You’ll change your mind.” Or, “your biological clock is ticking! Better hurry!”
I am 32-fucking-years-old and have yet to experience even a hint of baby fever. In fact, to be truthful, I don’t like kids, nor do I lose my mind every time someone walks into a room with a baby. I have never, ever seen the appeal of motherhood. The more I hear stories from my friends, the more happy I am I don’t have any kids. It sounds like hell, honestly. Yet, some women love children and motherhood, so I’ll leave the child rearing to the ones who want to do it.
And some of us don’t simply reject it. We celebrate a life free from children. We travel, write books, go out, spend afternoons in peaceful secondhand book stores, go visit friends for a weekend on a whim. We are not lonely, forlorn for the child that never was, or reclusive in a house full of cats. Personally, I love my solitude and peace that comes from being single and childfree. I work, come home, write, visit friends, go on random adventures, read books, and I still do lots of self-therapy for my trauma and mental illnesses. Being on my own for the last five years has done wonders for my healing and self-discovery. It’s so easy to get lost in relationships and parenthood and the distractions it provides. Digging deep into the roots of trauma and emotional turmoil is terrifying, but also liberating. Liberation also comes in the form of making decisions true to oneself.
In the same way mothers are celebrated for bringing life into the world, childfree women deserve to be celebrated for what they contribute in lieu of motherhood. Humanitarian work, volunteer hours, their education and careers, their art, and who they are as human beings. Why is it so much to ask for us to be seen and represented alongside our fellow women? These labels, these choices, are not divisive. At least, they shouldn’t be. Women have come so far, and the fact we can make the choice to have children or not is astounding, considering our ancestors of only a few generations ago didn’t have that option. The birth control pill wasn’t given a green light for distribution until 1960. Abortion has only been legal in Canada since 1988. Only a year older than my entire existence.
The fact we have this choice, and can choose to contribute to society in our own ways, is more than worthy of celebration and representation.
I have two female main characters in two different series, who both will remain childfree. Each has different reasons for not becoming mothers. Martha (in “Martha Holmes Mysteries”) is free-spirited and in a season of transition and self-discovery. At 33, she is embracing the freedom she’s found after her marriage ends. There’s more to life, she believes. She and her best friend are dedicating resources and work to solving cold cases.
Alyssa’s (“Beyond Dark”) reasons for being childfree stem from trauma. After being raised by chaotic, abusive parents, she doesn’t trust herself to be a proper mother, and prefers to focus on her career as a criminal profiler. Marriage and children have never been a priority. She’s focused on therapy and processing her childhood, and the emotional disconnect from society it’s given her.
It wasn’t an overly conscious choice, but given that it’s the life I know, it seemed logical. Motherhood is not an experience I can write accurately about. But the reasons for not embracing it, and the life that comes with it? Well, I know that one intimately. The old writing advice of “write what you know” can be interpreted in various ways. But at the end of the day, it’s all about being true to yourself and not only your experience, but other human experiences, too. People live different truths, different lives. And as writers, we get the honour, the gift, of injecting the differently celebrated versions into literature. But let’s keep ensuring the diversity is accurate.
Not all childless women pine for babies and motherhood. We are called childfree for a reason. Stop giving these “childfree” characters the fate of motherhood. In reality, parenthood would make childfree women miserable. Let’s see more female characters celebrating negative pregnancy tests, enjoying life without kids, contributing to society in meaningful ways outside of parenthood, and of just living authentically. We’re out here living the experience. Let fiction align with that truth.
An excellent article I found about childfree women: https://www.tvo.org/article/why-society-needs-to-make-room-for-single-childless-women#:~:text=Recent%20statistics%20show%20that%20one,not%20having%20any%20at%20all
CBC, More Canadians living alone and without children, census figures show
Stats (numbers from the United Nations): https://www.macrotrends.net/countries/CAN/canada/fertility-rate
2001 Canadian study – childfree by choice – PDF
Four decades of birth control pills: https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/news/20000508/four-decades-of-birth-control-pill