Becoming something new has uprooted what that kept me immobilized for so long. This is the first time in many years that I have felt an effulgent hope. It’s only a crack in a window through which a sliver of light creeps through. But it’s a start. That’s all I need.
There have been multiple changes since I posted here in August. “Edge of Glory” still has a tentative release date for 2020, though it got pushed to this summer. I am halfway through the rewrite stage, and will have to do some further editing, though I hope to have it off to my editor for early spring/late winter. The working draft is currently available on Wattpad.
I got about five books into the crime fiction series “Beyond Dark” before my co-author backed out – she was unable to keep up with time commitments. Life happens. It means our original series goes back to what it was and I carry on solo with “Beyond Dark”, adding new characters and revamping the mafia storyline. I am really excited for this one. For those of you who haven’t yet, check out the working draft on Wattpad. The first book, “Belladonna” is posted up to chapter 16. Alyssa and Thayer have both become endearing to readers. Thayer was supposed to be a temporary character, but as these figments of imagination like to do, he entered his own storyline and it expanded as he won the hearts of readers. “Beyond Dark: Belladonna” will be my next publishing project once the first “Edge of Glory” is finally out into the world.
I created a Patreon for my writing projects. The various tiers offer different levels of exclusive content. Patreon is also now the official home of the “Thayer Fan Club”. He captured the hearts of readers and so I want to give his followers extra content, sneak peeks, glimpses into his character in detail, deleted scenes, and much more. And of course, there will be plenty of content from our beloved rock and roll rebels in “Edge of Glory”. Eventually, I am going to set up an online shop where merch from both “Beyond Dark” and “Edge of Glory” will be available, as well as some stuff for my poetry. I am still working out details for this.
As artists and writers, we are so fortunate to live in a time where we have access to various platforms to release our works to the world. No longer are we constrained to publishing companies, magazines and trudging through rejection slips – though it’s still a valid option. But now we have self-publishing. We have online platforms like Wattpad or Booksie where we can build up a readership and bring that to other platforms such as Patreon and online shops. Poetry is no longer only in books. It can add literary magic to a coffee mug, or be available as individual prints, or on throw cushions. Our options are as vast as our imaginations. And our imaginations are quite endless.
My hope for the future is incipient, a new flower between pavement cracks, but it’s there and growing. It’s opening a heart that has been closed off and gently drawing out a soul that became reclusive and scared to take on the world. After battling mental illness, we don’t always re-enter the world as a wrecking ball. Sometimes it’s in small steps, taking on one thing at a time until it all feels manageable again. Until there are dreams daring to flare up from the ashes.
It’s taken me a long time to get to a place of optimism. Where I can look back on each day as it ends and say “it was a good day.” It’s nothing exhilarating or mind-blowing. I get up, write for a bit, go to work, come home, write then go to bed. Then repeat.
But I’m no longer suicidal. Depression isn’t winning anymore. I’m no longer interested whatsoever in dating. I feel no need for a relationship. Each day, I get to write. The one thing I love endlessly. I get to do what I love every day and little by little, I work towards my goals of publishing and becoming a full-time author. It feels so uplifting to be chasing this dream like I was at 19 or 20. Before the toxic relationships and the distractions. I got sidetracked from what I really want in life. But I’m finally back on track, finally focused. I’ve got many stories left in me. Many years of writing, publishing and sharing the worlds inside my head with all of you who have stuck by me. You mean more to me than any words I could string together. The best I can give back are my stories and poetry that you have enjoyed for this long.
Thank you. I promise, the best is yet to come.
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