Narcissist: “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance”, and also: “a person affected with ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder.’” (Merriam-Webster)
“Narcissist” is a term thrown around a lot. It could be heard commonly throughout the years “Criminal Minds” aired and is used casually to describe someone arrogant and cocky, or obsessed with their appearance. The true psychology behind narcissism goes much deeper–which is what we’re discussing this week in my inspirations for “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna”. For this post, my use of the term “narcissist” will refer to one who has the personality disorder.
It is important to note early on that not all narcissists are serial killers or criminals. The disorder can be managed, should the one affected want to do so. According to the Mayo Clinic website:
“A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems in relationships, social activities, work and school.”
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Personality disorders are believed to result from both genetics and environment. A child’s heaviest influence comes from their parents. They learn what they know. So, the traits we inherit from our parents combine with the environment in which we grow up, forming our views of the world. Those who grew up in chaotic or abusive homes, who had unstable childhoods, are more likely to form personality disorders. A family history of personality disorders or mental illness could contribute to a child forming one.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) falls under Cluster B disorders, which include dramatic, highly emotional and unpredictable behaviour or ways of thinking. NPD is often associated with severe selfishness and ridiculous cockiness. Men are more likely to be diagnosed with NPD (50-75% of those diagnosed are men, according to the American Psychiatric Association). Women are more likely to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is also a Cluster B disorder.
Since this is about “Belladonna”, covert narcissists will be the focus. Much of my information about narcissists, and specifically, maternal narcissism, comes from the book by Karyl McBride, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?”. I use this book extensively for reference and research throughout the “Beyond Dark” series.
When I first began working on Alyssa’s character profile, I knew from the start she would be a serial killer’s daughter, and the parent in question would be her father. But what about her mother? As I read further into NPD, the question lingered on my mind: What if both of her parents were narcissists? Are there different types? It then led me to questioning whether NPD is hereditary. Given what I learned about NPD, it was logical to have Alyssa struggle with the disorder while wanting to be the opposite of her parents. Her natural personality of being quiet and serious is more aligned with covert narcissism.
NPD is a spectrum disorder, which means there are varying degrees to the traits it can display. Malignant Narcissism is that larger than life, loud, outspoken personality, bursting with the appearance of confidence and being high on oneself. It is the outwardly brazen side of the disorder.
Covert narcissism, also called “vulnerable narcissism”, is where women tend to fall in the subtypes of NPD. This personality is more reserved, self-deprecating, and the superiority that trademarks NPD is quieter. Instead of being loud and belligerent, the covert narcissist will judge a situation or person quickly and tune everything out when they are disinterested. They appear to listen, but don’t take in anything. They find said person or situation boring or below them and don’t find it necessary to pay further attention. It is in their body language and sense of detachment one finds this narcissist’s judgemental and condescending ways. Eye rolls, glares, dismissive waves, turning away, sighs or scoffs, general inattentiveness and impolite behaviour. This quiet smugness, like any narcissist, is covering for a deep sense of vulnerability, incompetence and insecurity. A hardened front makes it easy to pretend one isn’t as detached from other humans as they really are.
They may also exhibit passive aggressive behaviour, be extremely sensitive to criticism (damage to that ego), responding to with fight or flight. They’ll either get defensive and smugger, or withdraw in a pouting manner, being aloof once more about their superiority. They have a complex of being special and misunderstood. If parents set their children up on a pedestal while there is nothing to back up that complexion, the child may go into adulthood with a superiority that has a foundation of arrogance instead of actual skill or personality. The complexion then becomes a front for the feelings of incompetence or shame.
We see a lot of this behaviour with Alyssa in “Belladonna” as the killer gets further into her head, undoing years of therapy and triggering the disorder. Alyssa fluctuates between her professional exterior, where she listens, usually when she’s dealing with victims’ family and friends. With co-workers, though, she is more likely to tune them out. She is between still immersed in the disorder and learning how to connect to people around her meaningfully.
And this is where empathy comes in–the foundation of all human relationships. It is a learned behaviour in which we connect to others and learn how to care, relate and engage. A child first learns empathy from its parents, specifically their mother. When stripped of a mother’s nurturing, or of love from any maternal figure, a child is less likely to form empathy for others. It’s hard to do that when the chaos of unstable parents made it hard to form attachments to anyone, or to relate.
While I don’t have a personality disorder, I can say from experience that living through an abusive childhood to become an adult often feels like looking from the outside in. There’s a detachment from normalcy. When all you know is chaos and deep pain, there is no normal. When you can’t relate to normalcy, it’s harder to form empathy, which makes it hard to form relationships of any kind. A personality disorder forms to create a front for that inability to connect to others. Children mimic what they know.
Alyssa struggles to make these connections while trying to break out of her glass house of isolation she’s put herself in to avoid hurting anyone else in her life. She will never rid of the disorder completely, but her character conflict is finding a place in her life where she can connect with others as friends and be a genuine version of herself, not what her mother dictated she be. (I’ll touch on maternal narcissism more in the future post about Alyssa’s profile.)
That concludes this week’s installment of “Belladonna” inspirations. Below is a list of research resources I used to accumulate information, if you are interested in learning more. Next week, we take a deeper look at the plant, Deadly Nightshade, and its fascinating history as both medicine and poison, and what led me to applying it to a fictional female serial killer. Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any thoughts or feedback!
"Belladonna's Roots 4" can be found here.
Resources
Book:
“Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” by Dr. Karyl McBride
Websites:
Psychology Today:
Good Therapy: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/covert-narcissism-the-quiet-counterpart-to-narcissistic-personality-0822197
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